by David Dush
translated by Tom Wexler

 

I am a clown
one that sees so much suffering and sickness
and working with the healthy side.
Creating disorder in any place with order
bringing back the order to places without
continuing the game even if it is late and dark
and you have to go to bed…
and everyone I meet is a best friend
without even knowing a name.

He came in yesterday,
with his older brother
his leg bandaged and his foot amputated
he rests on a stretcher made into a bed
a surgery tent. Wonderful!
The medic (a man with a huge soul and full of love) turns to me,
“common Dush, this boy is for you”
yes sir, as you command!
And then, like all the times before, like all those cases that for years have been a part of life, I choose to jump off the springboard of life.
I breathe,
I observe,
I act.
Aiming everything I have in me only towards him
and like this with a bang, his eyes meet mine.
Not such a clear look,
am I one of all the strangers around him?
Those with the uniform
those with the robes
with the strange objects…
but he looks and he sees that I look somewhat different
something else in the view- looks a bit weird and unrealistic. That’s what I am.
I look back with a sneaky smile
it’s a second of an oh so well-known diagnosis
and then
I understand
this boy is me.
A naughty look, a little hectic,
he is very much a child and very much real.
Just like that crazy moment,
where he looks and all he sees is me.
And everything we have around us is just a gigantic set
of the sick, the wounded and all of these scents…
it is now that we are both in a moment that’s as strong as life
I slowly approach,
and again- I act.
He surprisingly smiles- an invitation.
A world without language where everything is clear and no disputes
I find us in a swordfight.
The smell of the foot comes and goes, threatening to end the game.
Good thing I have a big red nose that protects me from smells.
Keeps me from evil spirits, from disasters
and here one of the doctors my victim shall become
as he turns around I push a balloon on his bum.
He laughs without limits of injure and pain, here is this eternal child again!
Again we continue- swords and fights with no rules
he in bed and I am a puppet on strings
we are truly once in a life time friends.

Knowing his foot was amputated
because of infection they have to cut more
because of the angle of his injury, how awful is this information
I say goodbye for now
going for coffee and a quick smoke
suddenly the medic shouts from the distance
“Dush! We are taking him to surgery! We need you here!”
I spill my coffee
put out the flame
running into a new but old experience
doctors and medics and his older brother
we go on the surgery march
no lights no sparkles
a wheelchair between the tents
going into the tent
putting him on the bed
all around us smell, noise, voices
so many other stories…

He’s asleep
I go out to breathe
30 minutes after the medic says
They didn’t operate today. Waiting for tomorrow”
the parents are still in the village
and he is asleep like a baby
I came to stroke his head
I prayed that he may dream on what he wants the most in the world…
Waiting for the parents…
They are still in the village. They will come tomorrow…

The night ends a day of tremendous experiences
the morning comes, big sun
having a race, waiting for the parents
again in bed
and again he wants to play
a pair of syringes with cold water
and we squirt right into each other’s face
once in a lifetime friends, that’s how it is
and still waiting for his parents…

another day ends, and again comes that moment
the medic repeats “we will operate in the morning…”
and I say right, of course, thank you.
Thank you so much dear medic
you are a wonderful man
you and everybody who came with you
yes, you in the uniform
I take my hat off for you
and I smile inside
I feel privileged to be here with you
thank you angels, for being who you are.

Around us are happening so many things
it’s a crazy pace
great forces can’t stop us…
we try to not forget what we have been though
we feel and absorb a mix of emotions.

Yes,
I am a clown between life and death
of other people.
The never ending story,
like life itself.
We can play with no rules tomorrow as well.

We will continue to create and live the now
and yes, we are still here right now.

But that’s it for today
I wish to sleep and dream
about my beautiful wife
and my charming child
be healthy
thank you for listening
Dush.

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